I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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