Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
