I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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