I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
