What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
