I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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