i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
