Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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