Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
