I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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