you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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