why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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