Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
