Jerry, you need to find god
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize