I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This is classic penis vs brain.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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