Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
