I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
