she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
