508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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