I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
