Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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