Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
