worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
