He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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