he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
