dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
