So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
