Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
