its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He felt like a one man threesome
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
