I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
