3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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