WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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