I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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