living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
