I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
