i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
