Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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