i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
