If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
