I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
