then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I'm passing your future prison.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
