Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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