Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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