Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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