i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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