I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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