I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
