According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
