I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
