Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
