bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
