True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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