I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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