There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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