is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
